Go wild the smart way
I love to party. I love going to festivals, and dance for 3 days straight. I also love to travel, and meet knew people, and go on adventures. I’ve loved all those things since I was a teenager, when I went to house parties with my girlfriends, and hanged out in questionable motorcycle bars, and hitchhiked rides from one city to another. I even traveled alone to many different countries when I was just 15-16 years old, to go play professional tennis tournaments. I thought I was invincible, and nothing could hurt me, until it did.
I was almost kidnapped in Mississippi when I was just 16 years old, and then again in Marocco some years later. Me and my friend were attacked by a guy with a knife, who wanted to rape us in my home town. Fortunately, we got away. But worst of all, I was drugged at a party once. I haven’t told this story to many people, because it still freaks me out to think about it, and honestly, I felt so ashamed and stupid I let it happen to me. But it’s better to share experiences and raise awareness of whats out there. And it was NOT my fault, I just didn’t know any better at the time.
I was around 20 years old and going to a party in the dead of winter. Icy cold, the type that can freeze your eyelashes. I went to a house party with good friends, and met a guy there. A friend of a friend. He seemed really nice and offered me a drink. After we went out to a nightclub, like we usually did. I danced with the guy, and it was great, until I felt myself blacking out a little, and feeling horrible nauseus. I knew, that this was not normal for me. I rarely drank, or if I did not enough to feel like that. So I told the guy I was going to the bathroom, but instead I ran to the coat check, got my jacket, and rushed outside. The moment I opened the door, and the cold air hit me, I blacked out. Next thing I remember was me waking up at home, in my bed, covered in puke. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest, and my head was about to explode. I got up and saw I had broken knees, and blood on my head, and I had puked all over my apartment. My phone was trashed. I have no idea how I got home. It’s about a 30 minute walk from the club. I must have walked it, passing out and falling on the side of the road many times. The next couple of days I felt horrible, but I got checked out and nothing more had happened to me. I am proud for my instinct to recognise something was wrong, that this was not normal for me. I’m relieved that I made it home, and did not pass out on the sidewalk and froze to death with a little black dress and stocking in the nordic winter. I’m grateful I did not get raped that night.
Experiences are the best teachers, and I was forced to learn a lot. Hopefully, you can learn something from mine. I want to show you some ways you can still go ‘wild’ and enjoy your teenage, young adult years to the fullest, but do it in a smart way.
Watch your drink, or better yet….don’t drink!
No, I have not gone mental. I mean it! I had periods in my teen or young adult years of awesome parties when I drank, BUT I was never waisted. I always controlled my situation, and knew where I was and what was happening around me. That’s what saved me that night I got drugged. You can still party, and meet people, and have all the experiences even if you don’t get super drunk. It’s so much more fun to be able to remember the night, and make your own decisions. Also waisted people do not look attractive, especially girls. It looks bad, it just does. So try not to be that girl. Also, watch your drink in public places, or even private ones. Here’s a scrunchy you can buy to protect your drink (link here).
Experiment, but in a safe space only.
Drugs. Someone in your class can get some. Most of them are doing something in parties. Should you? My advice is…don’t! I almost never did, and I know I have not missed out on anything. Drugs are extremely dangerous in so many ways. From bad decision, to health issues, to a possible addiction in the future. We are here to prepare, and build you an awesome one. Also, there is a trend now in United States to infuse ‘regular’ drugs with fentanyl, which can be deadly, even in small doses. Unless you made the drug yourself, you do not know what you’re doing to yourself. BUT if you must experiment and want to try what all the hype is about, do it in your house, or a safe space with a guide, or a trusted friend who can keep you safe. Never do drugs in public, in a situation you can’t control.
An adult male, who hangs out with teens, is a red flag.
As a teen I was in parties with adult men, who seemed really nice and I liked the attention they were giving me. Compliments, and drinks and dirty jokes. If I think back, I shiver at the thought. I know now, but I didn’t then, why they were there. And it is nothing you want to get yourself involved with. Adults (especially men) should not hang out with teens they do not know. Period.
She seems so cool, and popular….but who is she?
You made a new friend. Maybe from your school, or another school, or from a party. She seems a bit dangerous, popular, and knows more than you. About adulting. She might have tattoos, or marking on her face, neck or arms. She can get alcohol and knows a lot about sex. She might have random hotel keys. She also has older male friends who can take you to cool parties. This girl, who you don’t really know, might a former trafficking victim, and now a trafficker herself. Tell your parents. You don’t need her. You have your own friends, who you’ve known for years, or if not, then that ok also. Focus these years on building your future. Teenage friendships rarely last.
Stay away from cars. Any car!
Just don’t get into any cars that don’t belong to a family member or a really good friend. Even if your friend is telling you these guys are cool, and they can give us a ride. Maybe it’s fine, but it’s not worth finding out. It’s hard to escape from a car. My advice would be to cause an accident if you can. If you are still in a city, or in a populated place, and he is not letting you out, make sure you have your seatbelt on, open up his, and try to grab the wheel and force an accident. That’s what I would do. Injuries are not as bad as being taken to a place where you can not escape anymore. Also, never approach a random car on the street or a parking lot. Someone (even an innocent looking woman or a child) might approach you and ask to go help them with their car. It’s not ok. Say you can’t help them, or ask for help from a security card or another adult.
Call your parents, or any trusted adult when in trouble.
So you’re not in Lauras house like you told your parents. You’re in some house party in the other part of town with alcohol and drugs. You’re past your curfew, drunk, and all together in a lot of trouble if your parents find out. It does not matter! Call them anyway. Or any trusted adult, if parents is not an option for you. If you are in trouble, or don’t have a safe way back home, call them! Being grounded is not the same as being raped, kidnapped or trafficked.
Be a modern warrior.
Use your phone for something more that Tik Tok. Download a panic button app to your phone (link here), in case you need it. Carry a pepper spray with you. I have one! And go join a martial arts or self-defence gym for a great workout, and possibly some moves that might save your life one day.
Don’t grow up, not just yet!
In our teen years it seems so tempting to be an adult. To have your own apartment, and money and freedom to do whatever. But it is not the right time yet. Even if your friends are all acting like one. Your brain won’t develop fully until you’re 25 years old. You are not supposed to be in possibly dangerous situations, that you can’t and shouldn’t handle yet. A thirteen year old should not be in parties with adults, or drink alcohol, do drugs or especially have sex. It is not the time. Not for many more years. Enjoy your childhood and use your teenage years to work towards your future goals. Then your REAL adult life, will be way more awesome that you could ever imagine.
