Stay Safe While Partying!
According to research, nearly 11 million women in the United States have been raped while drunk, drugged, or high. In reality, those numbers must be much higher. Girls and women rarely speak up about what had happened to them while they went out to have a good time. Whether it was a house party, a friend’s house, or clubs and pubs. I didn’t!
Photo by 🐣 Luca Iaconelli 🦊 on Unsplash
I love to party. I love going to festivals and dancing for three days straight. I also love to travel, meet new people, and go on adventures. I’ve loved all those things since I was a teenager, when I went to house parties with my girlfriend, hung out in questionable motorcycle bars, and hitchhiked rides from one city to another. I even traveled alone to many different countries to play professional tennis tournaments when I was just 15-16 years old. I thought I was invincible and nothing could hurt me… until it did.
I was almost kidnapped in Mississippi when I was just 16 years old and then again in Marrocco some years later. The latter experience of a random guy on a night flight telling me that his friends would meet me in front of the airport and give me a ride. After he texted my description to someone, I was crippled by the knowledge that I was about to land all alone in a small desert airport at 1 am. Luckily, I asked a Swedish guy to accompany me and keep me safe.
Maybe even scarier was one night after a party when me and my friend were attacked by a guy with a knife who wanted to rape us in my hometown. Fortunately, we got away. Or MAYBE it was the night I was drugged at a party. I haven’t told this story to many people because it still freaks me out to think about it, and honestly, I felt so ashamed and stupid that I let it happen to me. But sharing experiences and raising awareness of what’s out there is better. And it was NOT my fault. I didn’t know any better at the time.
Experiences are the best teachers, and I was forced to learn a lot. I hope you can learn something from me. I want to show you some ways you can still go ‘wild’ and enjoy your teenage and young adult years to the fullest, but do it smartly.
8-STEP GUIDE TO STAY SAFE WHILE GOING OUT
Watch your drink, or better yet….don’t drink!
No, I have not gone mental. I mean it! During my youth, I enjoyed going to parties and even drinking a little, but I always controlled my situation; I knew where I was and what was happening around me. That’s what saved me that night I got drugged. You can still party, meet people, and have all the experiences even if you don’t get super drunk. Remembering the night and making your own decisions is much more fun. Also, waisted people do not look attractive, especially girls. It doesn't look good. So try not to be that girl. According to research by Nichole M. Sell and Maria Testa, bringing your drink to a party won’t keep you safe either. On the contrary, it can make you even more vulnerable to predators' targeting.
Also, watch your drink in public places or even private ones. Or maybe, don’t drink. Anyway, here’s a scrunchy you can buy to protect your drink (link here).
Experiment, but in a safe space only.
Drugs. Someone in your class can get some. Most of them are doing something at parties. Should you? My advice is…don’t! I seldom did, and I know I have not missed out on anything. Drugs are extremely dangerous in so many ways, from bad decisions to health issues to a possible addiction in the future. We are here to prepare and build you an awesome one. Also, there is a trend now in the United States to infuse ‘regular’ drugs with fentanyl, which can be deadly, even in small doses. Unless you made the drug yourself, you do not know what you’re doing to yourself. But if you must experiment and want to try what all the hype is about, do it in your house or a safe space with a guide or a trusted friend who can keep you safe. Never do drugs in public, in a situation you can’t control.
An adult male who hangs out with teens is a red flag.
As a teen, I was at parties with adult men who seemed nice, and I liked the attention they gave me: compliments, drinks, and dirty jokes. If I think back, I shiver at the thought. I know now, but I didn’t understand why they were there then. And it is nothing you want to get yourself involved with. Adults (especially men) should not hang out with teens they do not know. Period.
She seems so cool and popular….but who is she?
You made a new friend, maybe from your school, another school, or a party. She seems dangerous and popular and knows more than you about adulting. She might have tattoos or markings on her face, neck, or arms. She can get alcohol and knows a lot about sex. She might have random hotel keys. She also has older male friends who can take you to cool parties. This girl, who you don’t know, might be a former trafficking victim and now a trafficker herself. Tell your parents. You don’t need her. You have friends you’ve known for years; if not, that's also okay. Focus these years on building your future. Teenage friendships rarely last.
Stay away from cars. Any car!
Just don’t get into any cars that don’t belong to a family member or a really good friend. Even if your friend tells you these guys are cool, they can give you a ride. Maybe it’s okay, but it’s not worth finding out. It’s hard to escape from a car. My advice would be to cause an accident if you can. If you are still in a city or a populated place, and he is not letting you out, make sure you have your seatbelt on, open up his seat, and try to grab the wheel and force an accident. That’s what I would do. Injuries are not as bad as being taken to a place where you can not escape anymore. Also, never approach a random car on the street or in a parking lot. Someone (even an innocent-looking woman or a child) might approach you and ask you to help them with their car. It’s not ok. Say you can’t help them, or ask for help from a security card or another adult.
Call your parents or any trusted adult when in trouble.
So you’re not in Laura’s house like you told your parents. You’re in some house party in the other part of town with alcohol and drugs. You’re past your curfew, drunk, and all together in a lot of trouble if your parents find out. It does not matter! Call them anyway. Or any trusted adult if parents are not an option for you. Call them if you are in trouble or don’t have a safe way back home! Being grounded is not the same as being raped, kidnapped, or trafficked.
Be a modern warrior.
Use your phone for something other than TikTok. Download a panic button app (link here) if you need it. Carry a pepper spray with you—I have one! Join a martial arts or self-defense gym for a great workout and possibly some moves that might save your life one day. And don’t be drunk or high, because then all those other skills and tricks won’t matter.
Don’t grow up, not just yet!
In our teen years, it seems so tempting to be an adult. Have your apartment, money, and freedom to do whatever you want. But you have yet to be ready for that. Heck, most adults aren’t either. Adulting is hard! Even if your friends act like one, your brain won’t develop fully until you’re 25. You are not supposed to be in possibly dangerous situations that you can’t and shouldn’t handle yet. A thirteen-year-old should not be at parties with adults, drink alcohol, do drugs, or especially have sex. It is not the time. Not for many more years. Enjoy your childhood and use your teenage years to work towards your future goals (here’s an article about building awesome habits to achieve your goals). Then, your REAL adult life will be way more incredible than ever imagined.
