Sex is Serious
Depending on the jurisdiction, the legal age of consent in the United States is between 16 and 18. However, according to statistics, nearly 40% of teens between the ages of 15-17 have had sex. My question here is…was it consensual? Research also shows that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys have been abused before the age of 18. That’s over 10 million girls. Sex is serious. It can be seriously good when you feel safe and ready, and seriously terrifying when you’re not.
Photo by Nemanja .O. on Unsplash
THE NEW WORLD OF SEXUALITY
From naked dresses to naked TikToks and celebrating the female body and the freedom to do what we want is here. Every red carpet will have a collection of boobs and bottoms, almost as a protest. I am conflicted over this subject. On the one hand, I believe that what we wear is our own choice, and it is never the fault of the girl for being sexualized, no matter how she presents herself. However, I have a problem when this attitude is modeled to younger and younger girls. You should not be thirteen, wearing next to nothing and posting photos online. You should not be fifteen and send naked photos to men older than you (or anyone ever. There’s a whole thing with online dangers; check out my article here). And you should definitely not be fourteen and having sex, even if you think that’s what it takes for him to love you.
Why, you ask? Well…no matter what we decide as girls and women, the freedoms and powers we bestow on ourselves, we can not change the way some guys are.
A survey examining sexual violence by male UK students has shone a light on misogyny at universities, with scores admitting to rape, sexual assault and other forcible acts.
Of the 554 male students surveyed, 63 reported that they had committed 251 sexual assaults, rapes, and other coercive and unwanted incidents in the past two years, according to researchers at the University of Kent.
It is not much better in high schools and middle schools, either.
Sexual harassment and online sexual abuse have become "normalized" in schools, with some girls contacted by up to 11 boys a night asking for nude or semi-nude images.
Nine in 10 schoolgirls interviewed by education inspectors said sexist name-calling and being sent explicit pictures or videos happened "a lot" or "sometimes".
Pressure to send nude pictures was also far more prevalent than adults realized, education watchdog Ofsted said in a report as it called for urgent action to tackle the problem.
A lot of abuse against girls happens in schools. (more info here)
Why is this happening?
The explosion of free and accessible porn has created more and more aggression in teen boys and young adult men to act out these fantasies. The obvious victim is usually a younger girl. While girls are still acting on their evolutionary tendencies to be liked, to receive attention and love, they now feel they need to do more things, and sooner than ever before, to get that from a guy.
MALES AND FEMALES ARE PROGRAMMED DIFFERENTLY
Human Sexuality: How Do Men and Women Differ?
By Letitia Anne Peplau
Similarly, according to a new Oxford study, males and females not only behave differently in terms of sex but are evolutionarily programmed to do so. The study found that sex-specific signals affect behavior.
Males and females not only behave differently in terms of sex, they are evolutionarily programmed to do so
The new study from Oxford’s Goodwin group in the Department of Physiology, Anatomy, and Genetics says that despite sharing similar genomes and nervous systems, males and females ‘differ profoundly in reproductive investments and require distinct behavioral, morphological, and physiological adaptations.’
The team argues, ‘In most animal species, the costs associated with reproduction differ between the sexes: females often benefit most from producing high-quality offspring, while males often benefit from mating with as many females as possible. As a result, males and females have evolved profoundly different adaptations to suit their own reproductive needs.’
What does that mean to our own teenage experiences with sex?
In a robust generalization…females want attention, love, and affection, and young men want to experiment and conquer.
I lost my virginity at seventeen to a guy who I had been dating for a couple of months and whose affection I was desperate for. I thought it would make us closer, but he never contacted me again. But it was ok. I learned then that males and females often behave differently regarding sex. Not intimacy but the raw act of sex.
THE DANGERS OF TEENAGE SEX
As a teen, you make important decisions about what—if any—sexual activity is right for you. Agreeing to sexual activity with someone (saying “yes” or giving “consent”) means that you have freely decided to engage in that activity. If you are pressured emotionally or physically, if you go along because you don’t feel you have a choice or don’t know how to get out of the situation (“coercion”), you are not giving consent. The difficulty is whether you consent, even if you don’t say no?
Our brains don’t develop until we are 25 years old. At that age, you are still learning about yourself, the world around you, and other people's good and bad intentions for you.
Deep inside, are you ready? Do you really want to? Or are you going along with it because he wants to, because your friends did it, or because it is displayed as normal for everyone in the movies and on social media?
When we are young, especially as girls, the environment around us can silence the INNER NO, pushed so deep inside us that we ignore it. It is up to us to recognize and honor it.
If you don’t and instead act on someone else’s desires, you can experience mental and physical consequences.
Depending on the particular sex acts at play, sexual activity can lead to:
changes in the genital or anal microbiome, increasing the risk of urinary tract infections (UTIs) and bacterial vaginosis
minor cuts or tears around the opening of the vagina or anus, inside the vaginal or anal canal, or along the penis
STIs and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) (which are skyrocketing right now compared to any other generation before)
Depending on the level of consent, sexual activity can lead to:
feeling angry, sad, broken because his attention towards you changed dramatically for the worse after you did it
experiencing difficulties in future relationships with trust issues
experiences bullying from the same guy, his friends, or other kids in your school
experiencing more sexual demands from him or his friends
feeling ‘dirty’ or disgusted by the things he asked you to do
feeling like you let yourself down and struggle to find yourself again
struggle to perform daily tasks and concentrate on your goals
even being tricked into sex trafficking by someone who you thought was your ‘boyfriend’
IT IS ONLY A POWER IF YOU DON’T GIVE IT AWAY
Photo by Vlad Gedroics on Unsplash
One's sexuality can be incredibly empowering. Throughout history, females have possessed this power, this allure over men, even tearing down empires. Think Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.
There’s a reason why guys go crazy over being able to touch a woman and experience it. However, it has to be consensual. Truly consensual, where you are driving the situation, the desire, the act. It is harder to see it when we are young, with our emotions still developing and our hormones running wild. But it is crucial to put yourself first.
Having sex with twenty men before you’re twenty, or sending naked pictures to dudes online, or even offering it as a plea to be loved is not cool. Even if we live in times of Only Fans and naked dresses, protect your power! Please keep it to yourself until you are truly ready to enjoy it.
According to statistics among 15-17-year-olds, 72% of girls have never had sexual intercourse, and in the past 29 years, the percentage of high school females who are waiting for sex has increased by 27%.
That means that the image we have created on social media, in the news, and in the Only Fans phenomenon, most girls still wait until they are ready. Most don’t want to share their personal space; they wait for a better time. So if you feel the same, don’t worry. You are not the ‘prude,’ the exception; you are the norm. The way evolution has created females. To protect their power until they are ready to use it.
