5 Life Skills to Master in Your Youth

According to Harvard's Center on the Developing Child, children and teens who grow up to be successful and happy should master functional life skills in their youth. It is less about grades and extracurricular activities and more about a core set of skills to help them navigate difficult adolescent years and build a solid platform for their future.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Adolescence, a unique phase of life, presents a golden opportunity for habit formation. Why? The teenage brain is in a state of rapid transformation, a process known as neuroplasticity. This is a fancy term for a simple concept - the brain evolves and learns as it progresses. Interestingly, our brains don’t fully mature until we reach age twenty-five.

What does this mean for you? It means that as a teenager, you have a unique advantage in learning and forming new habits compared to later stages of life. Most successful and content individuals attribute their achievements to their robust executive function skills. Train your brain to succeed in life and feel more fulfilled.

What are five essential core skills?

• Planning: being able to make and carry out concrete goals and plans

• Focus: the ability to concentrate on what's important at a given time

• Self-control: controlling how we respond to not just our emotions but stressful situations

• Awareness: not just noticing the people and situations around us, but also understanding how we fit in

• Flexibility: the ability to adapt to changing situations

While these are skills that children (and adults) can and do learn throughout their lifetimes, two time periods are critical: early childhood (ages 3 to 5) and adolescence/early adulthood (ages 13 to 26). Learning and using these skills can help set children up for success during these windows of opportunity. I will look at the research that is dedicated to the adolescent years.

PLANNING

As a teen (if you’re fortunate enough), you might have your parent or a caregiver make most of the plans for you: what school to go to, what sports to play, where to go on vacations, etc. However, it is vital to start learning this essential skill for yourself and not always rely on your mom or dad to kick you off the phone to get ready, do your homework, or go to sleep at a certain time.

You are of age now, where you can take more responsibility for your actions and build future skills.

Plan out your evening so you don’t scroll until 3 a.m. According to research, teens need at least 9 hours of sleep, most of which should be from late evening to a reasonable hour in the morning. I wrote an article about the importance of a healthy morning routine. Check it out here.

Plan out your morning for a successful day, and improve your mood.

Improve your time management skills so you don’t need to rush, miss out on opportunities, or be yelled at by your parents. In our youth, our main asset is the luxury of time. Use it well.

FOCUS

In the age of social media and instant gratification, learning to focus on the tasks at hand is more important than ever. It might set you apart from 2/3 of the youth. We all love to scroll, and one-minute videos are entertaining, but scrolling should be an activity we earned rather than the norm that makes us feel guilty and unproductive. Focus is a cornerstone for any success you hope to experience now or later in life, and it can be trained.

According to investigative journalist Abigail Shrier's new book ‘Bad Therapy’ focusing on the task at hand is an opportunity lost for many youth to overcome negative emotions and hardships and learn how to achieve things, even if we don’t feel like it.

If you’re at a basketball practice, you should not be sitting down and thinking about your parents' divorce. You should be learning a new skill that can improve your life. If you need to study, learn an instrument, or build a business, it should be the only thing on your mind.

A little tip: put your phone's timer on for 3 or 4 hours, start working on your task, and don’t touch the phone again until the timer rings. It is incredible what one can achieve with focus and without distractions.

SELF-CONTROL

Self-control refers to managing one's behavior to achieve goals, improve positive outcomes, and avoid negative consequences. It is an essential skill that allows us to regulate behavior and is vital for attaining objectives. Learning self-control can help you lose weight by not having excess food; it can help you achieve by not scrolling on your phone but going to practice or studying; it can help you be more emphatic and socially accepted by not bullying others or saying mean things but trying to understand the situation better.

Again, you need to sleep! In a Harvard Business Review article, author Christopher Barnes discussed the link between a lack of sleep and poor choices.

Building on previous research that showed a lack of sleep may lead to lower self-control, Barnes and his colleagues conducted a study of their own. Their results showed overwhelmingly that those suffering from sleep deprivation exhibited high levels of unethical behavior.

Stress = lack of self-control. When we’re stressed, self-control tends to fly out the window. Research suggests that people with greater self-control may be more effective stress controllers, making their stressful thoughts less intrusive and overpowering. Simultaneously, they tend to better put themselves in supportive, low-stress situations that aid their goals and mental well-being.

In a study of 594 participants in the United Kingdom, researchers found that people with good self-control generally reported less stress overall, and their stress levels were usually more stable compared to people with lower self-control. Practicing self-control is a win-win for our mental health and achieving our goals.

AWARENESS

Teens can be very aware — but mostly of their own world. Everything becomes an issue, a problem too big to conquer, an obstacle impossible to overcome. I have always said that perspective is the key to success and happiness.

Unfortunately, the American education system is quite limited to foreign studies. Students have yet to learn about world history, geopolitical situations, or current affairs. In a detailed report published by the Council of Foreign Affairs, Americans know less about foreign policy and international news than ever. Less than 30 percent say they learned about foreign policy in school; on average, they answered just over half of the knowledge questions correctly. This has raised biased opinions about life in the United States, hatred for many issues, and hindered the potential of the American Youth.

Read more. Learn world history. Watch news from Europe from other parts of the world and realize the privilege of living in a first-world country, even with its issues. Travel if you can. See different States or travel abroad—volunteer for various organizations. All of this will widen your perspective and make you realize the opportunities you have for your future, what you believe in, and what you can achieve for yourself and the humanity around you.

FLEXIBILITY

Life is a rollercoaster, no matter who you are or where you come from. If it feels overwhelming now, it will feel even more overwhelming when you reach adulthood. The older we get, the more responsibilities we gather—jobs, mortgages, kids, relationships, caring for our parents, etc. We need to be able to adapt, pivot, and keep going regardless.

This is an important skill to develop in your youth, as it can set you apart from much of the American youth. Statistics show that nearly 70% of teens say anxiety and depression play a significant part in their lives and the lives of their peers. Many can not cope without someone else, without their therapist to show a way out. That’s an impossible tactic to navigate through life.

So you didn’t get into the school you wanted, even though you gave it your all. Instead of going to therapy and sleeping all day, be flexible. Take it as a challenge, an opportunity. Maybe apply to another program or take a year off to work. Perhaps even travel and see the world. I bet that year will teach you much more and make you grow as a person.

-So you didn’t get into that sports team you wanted. If this is your sport, put your phone away and train harder than everyone else. Work at it until you make it.

-So he didn’t call you back, or he ended things. The only relationship that truly matters is the one we have with ourselves. Take this time alone to build your skills, knowledge, and how you feel and look. Build your future until you meet someone else who will appreciate you for you.

During the Great Depression, the happiest and most successful people had to overcome difficult tasks and get scrappy to survive. Learning to change our mindset, learn new skills, change our beliefs when credible evidence is presented to us, admit our mistakes and learn from them, and fail and get up again…is invaluable for a happy and fulfilling life ahead.

There you have it!

Time is your asset. The only job you probably have right now is to better yourself and build your future. What a gift. These five skills have been proven by science to help you on this journey and accelerate the results. You got this!